Thoughts From Annie

On a recent retreat, the chefs made fresh, hot applesauce, which was just what we needed on a cool morning in the woods. I took only a small portion of applesauce, and I saved it for last because I knew it would be really tasty. My first bite confirmed the sweet and tart deliciousness of the applesauce, and because I had only a few bites worth on my plate, I savored every bite.

Dear Friends,

I have been on a lot of different spiritual paths over these last 50 years. I was baptized Methodist, and raised going to a politically progressive Presbyterian church. I discovered meditation as a teenager, sometimes considered myself an atheist, dabbled in wicca, and became a yogi. I attended Divinity school at Howard University, founded a yoga and mindfulness studio, and was ordained in a Buddhist tradition.

The story of how the Buddha got started on his path to enlightenment goes something like this: He was born around 500 BC, a wealthy prince in India with all the associated trappings. His parents wanted to protect him from seeing the pain of living, mostly because they wanted him to focus on his role as a prince, and not get distracted by those larger questions about life. He lived in relative happiness as a prince until he was nearly 30.

Happy New Year! As I was considering potential resolutions, I came across some words in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, which shifted my thinking a bit. In this book, Suzuki Roshi says: “To cook is not just to prepare food for someone or for yourself; it is to express your sincerity. So when you cook you should express yourself in your activity in the kitchen. You should allow yourself plenty of time; you should work on it with nothing in your mind, and without expecting anything. You should just cook!”

Some weeks ago, I was getting a pedicure with one of my daughters, and when the polish was off my left big toe, I noticed a dark area that I had never seen there before. I was surprised and I asked the pedicurist what it was. “Oh, it’s just toenail fungus.” So she slapped some nice pink polish on there and it completely disappeared.

A few weeks ago someone gave me some feedback about me from their perspective. In what I believe was a sincere attempt to support me, they said that they perceived me as someone who considers myself more enlightened than others and who pushes my agenda on everyone else. That’s not everything that they said, but those were two of the most triggering points for me.

Last week I learned something about how community can put an end to the loneliness of individualism. We had our first annual meeting of the studio cooperative, and our first board of directors meeting. In those events, we had dozens of students and teachers express ideas and enthusiasm for our yoga and mindfulness studio. Many people offered their precious time and energy without any thought of monetary compensation.

I wrote last month about the loss of my dog Gus, after 12 1/2 years of shared life and home. The weekend after Gus died we spent in the mountains with my extended family. This included all four of us siblings, our dad, and an assortment of our children. When we arrived back at home on Sunday night, our house was eerily empty. Our four kids were back in their respective cities, my family had gone home, and our two cats had gone out for the night.

This past weekend we put our old dog “to sleep.” We chose to have a lethal dose of anesthetic administered through an IV until he was dead. We euthanized him. We put him “down.” There are so many different ways to say that we killed our dearest animal friend. I realize that this is a relatively common practice, and one that many people are quite comfortable with.

Thich Nhat Hanh often uses matches to illustrate the idea of causes and conditions. He brings a little box of matches out of his brown monk’s bag, he opens the box and takes out a single match. After closing the box, he holds up the match. He then carefully strikes the match along the side of the box, generating a small flame at the tip of the match. This is not a magic trick, and something you and I have probably done countless times, yet he illustrates a very profound truth about the universe.